I Went to a Tech Conference and All I Got Was This Lousy Existential Crisis
I went to a tech conference last month. It was held in a convention center so large that I’m pretty sure it has its own weather system. I saw a man in a Kubernetes t-shirt argue with a man in a Docker t-shirt for 20 minutes while both held identical laptop stickers.
I came back with a bag full of stress balls, a mild cold, and a deep and abiding sense of meaninglessness.
The Talks
Every talk was about AI. Every single one. Even the talk about databases was about AI. The keynote speaker said “leveraging generative AI to synergize cloud-native transformations” with a straight face. I looked around to see if anyone else was hearing this. Everyone was nodding.
I think I’m the crazy one.
The one talk that wasn’t about AI was about burnout. It was held in a room with 12 chairs. Seven people attended. Two of them fell asleep.
The Booth Babe Economy
Every booth had someone whose job was to look approachable while you asked them a question they couldn’t answer. I asked one person what their company actually did. She said “we streamline enterprise efficiency.” I asked how. She pointed at a QR code.
I scanned it. It was a calendar link to schedule a demo. I closed the tab. I felt powerful.
I now own 14 stress balls. My desk looks like a gumball machine threw up on it.
What I Learned
I learned that the industry is running on vibes and venture capital. I learned that nobody knows what “platform engineering” means but everyone is hiring for it. I learned that if you say “we’re revolutionizing the developer experience” enough times, people will give you money.
I also learned that the chicken tenders at the hotel restaurant are surprisingly good for $24.
Moral of the story: The real conference was the stress balls we collected along the way.